1. Did anyone else hear our beloved Tea Shock kvetching about the other parties “getting their policies off the Web” (or words to that end)? Newstalk had it on Saturday morning, from the Friday night Ard Fheis proceedings, but it hasn’t appeared in the transcripts or anything. It was quite surreal.

2. Get remixing. It’s in … de national interest.

3. Gráinne Kenny (Europe Against Drugs), who is to common sense as Mary Whitehouse was to freedom of expression, has a new triumph. She’s arguing that because Brian Cowen appeared on stage with a clip from Chelsea Dagger (watch it here) by The Fratellis, Fianna Fáil are sending a pro-drugs message. She tells us that a different section of the song uses the phrase “gave me gear” and calls for … an apology. (I want some of what she’s taking). She adds that they should have used Handel’s Messiah instead. Full story, great response here from the Arse End. (Maybe FF could take advice from Ireland’s newest PD, Frank McNamara, whose Liveline appearance today was hilarious).

However, I have now analysed the lyrics of the song, and can now exclusively reveal Fianna Fáil’s five promises for the next election. (Is there any truth in the rumour that new slogan The Next Steps is the name of the boyandgirlband that the Cabinet are forming?)

  1. Mandatory sentence of one year for knife offences (“And it’s one for the Dagger”)
  2. Removal of VAT on women’s shoes (“Well you must be a girl with shoes like that”)
  3. Solving labour market problems through family reunification schemes (“Bring yer sister over here”)
  4. New laws on ID verification to curb crime (“I said tell me your name”)
  5. Cooperation with Russian businessmen in order to revitalise Irish sport (“Chelsea Chelsea I believe”)